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[10 Mar 2006|11:03pm] |
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baby |
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just when i thought that my life was finally perfect, something like THIS happens. i thought that this would neeeeeeever happen in a million years. i was wrong, like always. after 6 months of spilling my heart out to him, 6 months of the i love yous, and 6 months of great sex. . he says he needs a break. of course i was in shock. i cried like a little baby right in front of him. i didn't tell him all of my feelings cuz they couldn't come out. to tell you the truth, nothing felt like it changed until i left his house on tuesday. he says he needs time to think. he's not sure if he wants a girlfriend. so i just let it slide. once i left his house, i bawled like a little baby. i called him 5 times that night to try and blurt everything out to him but it just ended up in the "i miss you" and all that shit.
he called me up last night and told me that he still wants everything to be the same. he tells me he really does love me & he loves being around me. he wants me to chill with him everyday, he wants me to continue sleeping over his house & everything. in fact, im supposed to be going to his house on monday. all these thoughts about his ex girlfriend popped back into my head and he reassured me it wasn't because of that. and i do believe him. he's been so honest to me. he tells me everything. before i got off the phone with him, he told me that his cowokers are enlisted in the army(brandon's joining the army in a less than a year).
his stupid cowokers kept telling him to think about where our relationship was going. he said that they told him that their girlfriends said the same exact shit that i'm saying to brandon. so because brandon listens to them, the reason for our break is to make sure that im gunna be there when he leaves to iraq. "baby, if you can't wait for me to make up my mind. . what makes you think that you're gunna stick with me when i'm on leave for 18 months?" alright baby, you have a point is what i said. he's right. he's a hundred percent right. so i'm waiting it out. it's so fucking hard just to be friends with this kid..but he's right.
i feel like things are changing. he says i love you, but today he hardly said it. he only said it the one time that i called. i'm overreacting. i should just wait until monday to find out what's really up. i know shit is gunna be settled by then. i didn't think i'd be so torn up about this. i hardly have an appetite anymore. he's the only person that can make all my problems disappear with a phone call, a single touch, and a kiss. no one has ever had that kind of effect on me before. not even eric. i'm just scared that itll all end. but something's telling me that everything's gunna be fine. me & brandon are gunna end up back together. this is just a test. and i just have to wait for time to work everything out.
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[28 Feb 2006|10:35pm] |
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hyperventilating |
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I don't really care for this thing anymore. It's just i've been extremely busy. So many things are happening in my life all at once I don't have the patience to deal with all of it. So, I finally got a job. YAY FOR ME. I really didn't want one only for the simple fact it would fuck up my concentration at school. Which it hasn't. . yet. The main reason for me getting is a job is to be more respected in my house and to shut my parents up. My parents think that getting a job is the equivalent to graduating college. Funny huh?. And you would still think after getting a job I'd be finally accepted into my family right?. Think again. My dad just drives me deeper and deeper into a corner and shuts me out. All he can do is yell at me for the littest things. I'm really so sick of it. And I don't have the patience. Even when I try to ignore him, all he does is follow me. He wants me to argue with him. That's the only conclusion I can come to.
I really don't give a shit anymore. I try to stay away from my house as much as possible. And with me working now I'm usually home 3 or 4 days of the week. After my last day of work I usually stay over Brandon's for a couple of days. He's great and he truly is my sanity. He can make everything better with just a kiss or a hug. He knows how to make everything okay. I really am in love with him. I plan on spending the rest of my life with him and I know he's in love with me. Usually I just brush it off and stuff, but I mean. . he's the one who said it first..obviously that means something. Well, I'm done venting. I'm gunna go kill myself now. BLAH.
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[13 Jan 2006|11:24am] |
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mood |
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music |
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don't forget about us |
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So. Here I am waiting for my name to be called. I gotta job interview at school. Yay for me. Hopefully I'll actually land this shit & make everyone happy. My mom won't be satisfied until I get a job. It's not that I don't want one. It's that I can't get one because school's in the way of things. Sorry, but school is 50,000 times more important than some job at Mickey D's or wherever. I'm just focused on graduating right now so I could get a job at a big time company. I'll be so excited. Anywho, today's friday & I plan on getting super fucked up. I bought a bottle of Captain Morgan's. It's been awhile since I got drunk. I didn't even get drunk on new years. Believe that shit huh?. Blame my sister for that one. THANK YOU ROSEEE =). Anyway, lemme get off this computer & stop rambiling. I'll probably hit everyone up with a more detailed entry on Sunday. PEEEACE.
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| and the beat goes on. . |
[08 Jan 2006|05:06pm] |
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so sick rmx |
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So..everything's been going really good. The girls & Georgie came to visit for 2 weeks and it was fun and all..but it had it's lows. Georgie didn't want to go anywhere & he only focused on trying to find a girl for him. Heh, I remember when it was the opposite way around. He was still with his bitch/slut/whore etc. .and I was by myself..he'd always be like "Don't worry Nat, you'll find someone. . don't worry" and then he'd pick up and leave my ass. Well..if you're reading this..how does it feel to be on the opposite side?
Anywaaay, I finally had a great..well semi-great new years. I was with my boyfriend & finally kissed someone(other than my parents lol) when the ball dropped. My sister was at a hotel party with everyone else & the dickhead decides to LEAVE the party and go walk around clearwater beach. ::shakes head::. They blew up Johnathan's phone..got him all mad because they were trying to get me to go over there. Meanwhile I didn't have a ride & before I even left them I said to come.
My boyfriend ended up getting a cab for my sister & everyone, even when he didn't have to..and my sister had the fuckin audacity to say she didnt want to be here. My sister is fuckin so self centered. I mean, I love her to death but she only cares about herself and me & Brandon are the only people that see that. ::fast forwards:: Anyway, I'm done talking about that. I really don't wanna go back to school & I have to on Tuesday. BLAAAAh.
It's all good though because Friday I'm going back to Brandon's cuz his brother's comin back from the army..Lots of fucking drinking and shit. I can't wait. okay i'm sure i'm gunna look back on this entry like WTF?. .bye.
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| i got it like that maan. |
[21 Nov 2005|12:03am] |
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can i have it like that |
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It's 12am. I'm bored out my fucking ass. Thought you guys should know <33
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[26 Oct 2005|02:07pm] |
Something weird happened to me yesterday. I was at my boyfriend's last night & we had sex..right after I started to bleed. I got real paranoid but I found out that light bleeding is common in women that take birth control in their 1-3 first months of use. Anywayyy..here's this. I stole it from Nashy.
your song is we be burnin!
Whats your song? (with videos)
brought to you by Quizilla
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[25 Oct 2005|08:24am] |
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mood |
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it's 8:30 in the morning..i'm watching spongebob squarepants & i'm in a baggy tshirt & boyshorts. what's wrong with this picture?..
I SHOULDNT BE UP RIGHT NOW.
ok thx
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| thank god. |
[24 Oct 2005|10:02pm] |
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So Wilma didn't hit my part of Florida like i suspected, but I was nervous cuz it was my first hurricane i've been in florida for. So it didn't go bad. We're moving this friday so i've been hella busy with setting shit up & buying furniture. Tomorrow after school i'm going to spend the night by Amanda's..but i'm going to see Brandon too. I haven't seen him in almost a week now so I'm gunna spend the day there..just to say hi and shit.
My stomach's been playing with me a bit. I just came back from the Olive Garden & I stuffed myself til I felt like I was gunna puke. EW. So, I guess that's it..i'll have a lot more to update after I get settled in with my house.
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| Ahem. |
[20 Oct 2005|06:38pm] |
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t.o.k. - footprints |
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I haven't been paying much attention to my journal because i've been really busy with things. I'm doing okay in school..it's a lot more stressful because all the teachers expect a lot more from the second quarter students(A.K.A. ME). It's bullshit, but I can't really do anything about it. Anyways, me and the boyfriend are fine..in case any of you wanted to know. Shit got really weird between us this week because I didn't want him to walk me to my car..and i've been talking to my mom without him there..he assumed i was being picked up by another guy & i was making "private phone calls"..LOL.
I was trying to tell him my mom doesn't like me talking to her otp with mad noise..and everytime i talk to her, he's always screaming something stupid in the background. i love him for that..he makes me laugh. Anyway, my grandparents are here for the week..they've done nothing but lashed out on me and my sister about my dad. Whatever, if you're gunna talk shit about my dad..don't fucking come here then. And definitely don't put up a front when you see him. UGH. Fakeness sucks ass.
I'm going to be extremely bored this weekend. Considering my grandparents are here, I can't go to Brandon's this weekend..which means I'm gunna have to wait until Wednsday to see him. He gets paid and all that shit today so his weekend's gunna go great. OHHHHH, there's also that fuckin hurricane that's coming towards us this weekend. From what Jules told me, we're only getting the outer bands which means mad wind & rain for the weekend. I guess it'll fit my mood. Ahaha. I'm so lame. I guess i'm gunna go clean out my car and shit. I'll try and update more after the hurrican to let ya all know i'm okay.
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| put ya lightas up. |
[13 Oct 2005|07:05pm] |
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stick witchu |
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So, it's been a hot minute since my last entry. School's been a big fucking hassle. I mean, yeah it's great that i'm in my second quarter..and yeah, it's great i did good in my last quarter..but the first quarter was the easiest. I'm going to be stressed the fuck out come next week for like the rest of this quarter. All this shit i have to draw is making me nuts. But i'm not gunna think about it right now.
Anyway, me & the boyfriend are doing great. I'm so fucking happy..and I love him to death. I'm not going into much detail about that. I'm not gunna be able to see him until the end of the month probably. My granparents are coming next weekend and I haven't seen them in a year and a half. I'm going to dread it because they always have something bad to say. Like, they were telling me that I deserve a boyfriend that's in school and that's older than me..
I just was like "are you fucking kidding me?". My sister even told them off..but whatever I don't care. I just know I'm gunna be in a shitty ass mood until I see Brandon again. This entry's mad random but I'm sure i'll have a lot to tell you this weekend. I'm going to take a shower so bye.
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| so.. |
[21 Sep 2005|10:48pm] |
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so..not much has been going on with me lately. it's the last week of my first semester at AiTA, so i'm going crazy doing last minute things. i have a project due tomorrow & i didn't do it yet. i'm such a procrastinator. but honestly, i was supposed to go to pearl today to pick up my shit & i didn't cuz it was really shitty out. so my game plan is to get to school 2 hours early, knock out my project & mount my other ones. i mean, its gunna look like crap..but at least im handing it in.
brandon started his job today. he works as a security guard or something from 10pm-6am. those are the hours he chose, so hes gunna have so much fun i bet. i can't wait until saturday because i get to see him & spend the night. i constantly find myself thinking about him when i'm apart from him. this relationship is going great so far..but its scaring the shit out of me at the same time.
i had no clue i could fall for someone this fucking fast. i'm totally enfatuated with him & he knows it..i'm finally beginning to open up a lot more to him. i said i love you for the first time the other day, without him saying it first. i guess it meant a lot to him cuz he was in shock sort of?..anyway, thats enough with my love life.
im breaking out & i think its these damn birth control pills thats making this happen. ERRR. im tired.
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| ugh. |
[20 Sep 2005|03:48pm] |
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I'm bored. I hate waiting on people to come get me.
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| random blog thingie. |
[18 Sep 2005|08:39pm] |
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bow wow - like you |
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| Your Birthdate: September 6 | 
A birthday on the 6th of the month adds a tone of responsibility, helpfulness, and understanding to your natural inclinations.
Those born on the sixth are more apt to be open and honest with everyone, and more caring about family and friends, too.
This is a number associated with responsibility and caring - this birthday lends a degree of concern for others. |
OH. . i'm head-over-heels in love with brandon. and it's beginning to scare me.
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| souL survivoR. |
[14 Sep 2005|07:24pm] |
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young jeezy - soul survior |
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God, I cannot fucking WAIT until school ends. The last day of my first quarter is September 24th. And I'm fucking praying next week runs by quickly. It probably will considering its the last week & its finals week and stuff. I feel like shit. Brandon got me fucking sick last weekend. I wasn't supposed to see him until this weekend coming up but he called me telling me to come over cuz he stayed home from school..so you know me..lol..i ran over there & spent the weekend. I miss him like crazy. It's really mind-boggling how I get attached to people so quickly.
I love everything about him. The way he kisses me, the way he plays with my hair, and how he plays around with my feet when i'm laying next to him. He's incredible..and it sucks cuz he's leaving for the army in January. I don't know what's gunna happen between us and frankly, i'm trying not to think about it. ::Moving On:: I got my period on Monday so i was extremely happy. I have to start taking my birth control pills on Sunday or whenever my period ends. Hopefully the bitch ends on Friday or Saturday. That's it for now. I'm cold.
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| HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. |
[06 Sep 2005|10:38pm] |
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like you |
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so. i finally went to the OBGYN. everything's okay. i'm healthy and as far as i know nothings wrong with me. the doctor was mad sweet & put me on birth control so i dont have any of my episodes again. and believe me, i will be using condoms EVERY FUCKING TIME.
now that that's over, i finally have a boyfriend. yeahh, i stopped being a little pussy and decided to go out with brandon because hes 100% boyfriend material. he holds my hand when we go out, he holds my bag if it looks to heavy, and yadda yadda yadda. but yeah, he's creeping me out a little cuz last weekend he started talking to me about kids an whatnot. hes psycho. ive had one too many scares & im not even ready to be a mommy. i feel like sticking my foot up his ass. but yeah, the next time imma end up seeing him is probably in another 2 weeks or so because he has classes and shit.
i guess that's it. OH
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| eh. |
[30 Aug 2005|09:49am] |
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r.kelly - burn it up |
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I hate feeling like this. I hate not knowing. I just hope it's not true. I PRAY it's not. I have faith in you.
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| trust me..i'm a smart blonde *;D |
[24 Aug 2005|09:31pm] |
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zion y lennox - doncella |
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So, i looked online at my grades and I got all B's and a B+ for my midterm grades. I'm pretty happy but it woulda been cool to get an A. I'm basically a B student anyway so. Fuckin..I can't wait til this weekend. I might be hanging out with my school buddies on Friday & then Saturday it's off to clearwater to go see Brandon(whos basically a pain in my ass right now). He keeps telling me to bring my matchin lingerie [i think i spelled that right]. Like..uh no. But whatever happens, happens right?. I have an appointment at the OBGYN finally on Friday. You're supposed to go as soon as you hit 18 or when you become sexually active.
I haven't found the need to go or the balls. I'm a pussy when it comes to things like that. Just having a random person go and touch your puss puss is enough for me thanks very much. But yeah, my doctor said this place was really good so i'm happy. I might wanna get tested too..but maybe i'll do that my next visit. Right now I just wanna get it done & over with. The funniest shit happened though when I was making my appointment. My dad was all "i know you're not a virgin" and my jaw just dropped.
I haven't told my mom & my dad that I lost my virginity..even though I lost it 4 years ago. I'm telling you, i'm too much of a pussy..i was so fuckin shook I was gunna get my ass B-E-A-T..but now it's all "we know already". So yeah, i'm done talking about this shit. I'm fuckin back in the world of lj people..
GO COMMENT-->
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| i'm baaaaaaaaaaaaack. |
[22 Aug 2005|03:25pm] |
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lose control |
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Damn, it's been mad fuckin long since i wrote in here. A lot of shit's been happening to me lately & i've been really fuckin busy. I moved to the most boringest place in Florida EVER in August. The shit is so wack i swear. The most interaction I have is in school. Oh yeah, I started school in June. It's not as bad as I thought it would be. I'm in school for the majority of the day(from 1-5) & i have off on Mondays. I met some really cool people too by smokin cigarettes. LoL, thats how I seem to meet people. By fuckin smokin cigarettes. It's funny if you think about it. But anyway, Kris came to visit for a month in July..it was so cool but it sucked once she left. I have nothing to do now..aha.
This weekend has probably been the most craziest weekend since i've been here in Florida. Friday I ended up exploring Ybor City. This shit is fucking nuts. It's like this big ass strip with mad clubs. You could walk in the street & its all borded off. No lie. People are roamin the streets drinkin and everything. It was a complete shock for me. I haven't seen anything like that. So yeah, after walking about a hour we decided to go back to Justin's and watch sin city. That movie is really fuckin awesome. I loved it. Maybe it was because I was fucked up though?..lol, but I was really into it. So yeah I got home about 4:30 in the morning. Saturday I went by my boy Brandon's house and I got fucked up too..but it was pretty cool.
He was complimenting me up the ass and telling me how he could fall in love with me. He asked me out about 348732987429837423 million times & for some reason I said no. This is where I need help. I've been looking for a serious relationship after my last breakup..and now that I have the opportunity, i'm not taking it. I have no clue why. Even though I want to say yes to him..i end up saying no. So I don't know. So I guess we're just gunna become friends with benefits. ANYYYYYYYYYWAY..i promise i'll be updating a lot more often.
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| And it goes. |
[15 Jun 2005|06:08pm] |
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irritated |
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dJ boom- extacy |
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So yesterday I did nothing. I went running/walking/whatever you wanna call it. No lie, I walked for about a half hour and I came back dripping sweat. The weather at night is fuckin killer. I thought NY was bad in the summer..jesus christ. Florida weather is gunna take a lot getting used to. Anyway, on more interesting note..I went shopping yesterday and picked up some stuff. I got a couple pair of shorts which fit me, but don't. I mean, have you ever went shopping and don't really like the way you look in the size you normally wear..but then get a bigger size for comfort?.
Dood, I fuckin bought a pair of size 13 shorts because the 11's fit me but i didn't feel really comftorable in them..the 13's make me look like I have NO ass and they keep falling down on me so I have to wear a belt. I own about 2 belts cuz I don't really like them, plus i'm not used to them. So yeah. As of now, I'm waitingg for my Florida buddy Jose to come..but the last time he said he was gunna come he never showed. So I'm giving him until 6:45. If he doesn't come i'm gunna call him and ask him if he's coming for real. I'm so sick of guys saying one thing and doing another.
Anyway, I'm out..I'll update more when I feel like it.
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[14 Jun 2005|09:11pm] |
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i'm sprung remix |
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LMFAO @ this..
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